Never Regret

Regret can be an unwanted companion in life, whispering to you about what went wrong or what you missed out on and keeping you stuck in the “what could have been” loop. 

Constant regret is tiring, and if not used well can be detrimental to your emotional well-being by dragging you down and fuelling feelings of guilt, sadness, and sometimes even self-loathing. 

So, what could you do instead. 

I suggest that a more useful approach to dealing with regret is to acknowledge the feeling, extract the lessons it offers, and then consciously let it go and move forward. 

And why is this important? Because of two things:

1. Being preoccupied with regret can prevent you from seeing opportunities in the present moment and make you hesitant to take new risks or try new possibilities. You end up missing out on the opportunities right in front of you. 

2. Regret diminishes learning and growth because if you’re drowning in regret, you miss the chance to understand what went wrong, why it went wrong and how you can grow from it. You miss out on the wisdom mistakes can provide.

So, when regret pays you a visit, don’t dwell there. Instead, acknowledge the feeling as an opportunity to learn, extract the lessons and move forward with your new found knowledge. 

Daring greatly

Daring Greatly

Ted Roosevelt once said…

“It is not the critic who counts;

not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;

who strives valiantly;

who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;

but who does actually strive to do the deeds;

who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions;

who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,

and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly,

so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” 

The Power of Questions

Albert Einstein once said, “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.”

A study by the Harvard Business Review found that the most successful leaders are those who ask the most questions. These leaders are more likely to uncover innovative solutions and inspire their teams to think critically.

Research published in the Journal of Educational Psychology highlights that students who ask more questions tend to have higher academic achievements and better problem-solving skills.

What are some benefits of asking questions?

There are many benefits. Asking questions can:

  • challenge assumptions and ingrained beliefs,
  • foster curiosity and drive innovation,
  • support informed decision-making,
  • enable the exploration of diverse perspectives,
  • improve communication and build shared understanding
  • enable self-reflection and learning,
  • encourage deeper thinking, and
  • aid in problem solving.

Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx, exemplifies this with her mantra, “The more you ask ‘why,’ the more things become normal. When ‘why’ becomes normal, you start thinking differently, coming up with new ideas, new ways to solve problems.”

Are there good questions and bad questions?

Rather than ask Yes/No questions, we’re encouraged to ask open-ended questions, those that start with WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHY, WHEN and How. The latter are considered powerful question because they open the conversation, whereas closed questions, those leading to Yes/No answers, close the conversation

The magic of questions is in asking boldly and listening deeply. And to get better at asking questions, just ask more questions. Try it and see how much insight you get.

As Tony Robbins says, and I paraphrase, the quality of your life depends on the quality of your questions.

Thinking patterns

About thinking patterns

Did you know that your brain spends 90% of its thinking time focused on the same set of thoughts? 

As in, 90% of our undirected thoughts are repeat thoughts, and only 10% are new thoughts. This is based on studies done in the neuroscience and cognitive psychology fields. 

This insight is very surprising to me. I thought I was spending my thinking time on expanding my ideas. But what studies are saying is that the brain likes efficiency and therefore forms neural pathways from past experiences and ingrained patterns that lead to repeated thoughts and behaviours.

Our brains, when not directed to a specific task, have a default mode… of thinking about the past, but of the same past events and for creating visions of the future, but it’s the same future vision on repeat.

When we don’t direct the brain to specific things to think about it goes into automatic thinking. The consequences of automatic thinking include reduced creativity because creativity relies on exploring new perspectives. Another consequence is overthinking things and worrying about potential future events or ruminating on past events, which in turn affects our mental wellbeing.

But surely repetitive thinking is good for building knowledge and cementing habits you say. Yes, indeed it is. However, this happens with awareness. When you’re aware of your thinking, you can direct it to productive activities. However, an idle brain will default to repetitive thinking.

The lesson here is to develop self-awareness so you can redirect your brain from the mindless default thinking it does 90% of the time to the more directed thinking that will lead to knowledge, creativity, habit formation and support positive mental health.

Is that what mindfulness and being mindful is all about? 

I wonder! 

Come on brain, let’s do some directed thinking, the 10%.

When things get tough, remember...don't quit.

Don’t Quit

By Edgar Albert Guest
Here's a reminder...when things get hard, remember the reason you started and don't quit.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow-
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out-
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit-
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Look Back and Plan Forward

The new year is well underway and like you, I’m hoping that this will be a good year. 

I’m hoping that all the pain, frustration, and disappointment of last year will not repeat itself this year.

I’m also hoping that all the joy, success, happiness, laughter, and fulfillment from last year will spread into this year and continue throughout the year.

But I’m not going to rely on hope alone, I want to be able to shape my life this year, I want to captain the ship called My Life. 

And the way I do this is by taking the lessons from last year and building on them to shape my actions this year.

So, for those of you who have not done your review of last year and have not spent time deciding what you want from this year, I’m going to share the key questions I use to guide my thinking.

To do this well, find a quiet spot, arm yourself with paper and pen (or the digital equivalent) spend some time looking back and then planning forward

It’s a great exercise to get clear on what you want and what you don’t want in your life. 

Look back and ask…

  1. What went well?
  2. What could I have done differently?

Plan forward and ask…

  • What can I do more of?
  • What can I do less of?

Keep asking ‘what else?’ until you have at least 20 responses for each question.

Finally, ask yourself…

  • What have I learnt? 
  • And what do I want?

Enjoy the insights!

Start Strong!

Hey there Thriver, Happy New Year!

So, are you ready to make 2022 a great, or even an exceptional year?

If your answer is yes, then here’s how…

Step 1: GET CLEAR on what you want to achieve this year

Step 2: CREATE A PLAN to guide your actions

Step 3: FOLLOW THE PLAN to create your results

Very simple really

But not easy

The problem is that most people get stuck, generally on either Step 1 or Step 3

At Step 1 – Lack of clarity will stop you before you even start

At Step 2 – It’s easy to create a plan, but it might be too ambitious or not courageous enough

At Step 3 – With no accountability, you may not follow your plan. This will derail your goals, projects, dreams, wants, habits, experiments or experiences (i.e., your results)

Sometimes you just need to be supported through the process…

  • Supported to get crystal clear on what results you want to produce or achieve
  • Supported to create a plan that will fit into, and weather the ups and downs of your real life
  • Supported to develop a method to measure progress and stay on track

If being supported is what you desire, I invite you to come into my world

Why?

Because I will introduce you to a coaching framework that produces results

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Come, let me coach you to succeed

Email me at nancy@thriveatwork.com.au so we can get started. Speak soon.

Three ‘must-have’ Soft Skills

Three ‘must-have’ soft skills

I work with many smart and successful professionals. They are ambitious and keen to move to the next level. They’ve said to me…

  • “I am ready for a bigger challenge, but I don’t know what else I need to do to secure my next role”
  • “My manager has told me that I need to be more Strategic – how do I do that? What does it even mean?”
  • “I’m told that my ideas are great but that I need to get better at Influencing so that I can be heard”
  • “I’m stuck! I’ve tried everything and can’t get promoted”

This is where SOFT SKILLS can make a huge difference. Not just the foundational soft skills like Communication, Collaboration, Teamwork, etc but the ones that will give you an EDGE.

Leading workplace economists believe that we need to increase our focus on Soft Skills competencies into the future because ‘soft skill-intensive jobs’ will grow 2.5x faster than other jobs, with demand exceeding supply by 45%.

So what?

Well, there are three vital soft skills to master if you want to upgrade your career in 2021 and beyond.

You don’t need them in any particular order, but you need them to elevate your career to the next level.

Here is a simple and insightful 2-pager guide on the Three ‘must-have’ Soft Skills.

Get it now and start implementing the insights at work. You will be glad you took the time.

Time to thank

Finding time to think

We’re all super busy.

The typical work calendar is blocked out with back-to-back meetings, huddles, workshops, town halls…so many things to attend.

And, because of this, the only time left in the day to do the work is after hours. This is the only time when you can slow down and find the space to do the thinking required to DO the work.

It’s a reality that can lead to burnout.

A recent Harvard Business Review article concluded that “burnout is a global issue”. The article is based on research carried out in 2020 with over 1500 respondents in 46 countries, across various industry sectors, roles and, seniority levels.

Two key findings that stand out are:

  1. 89% of respondents said their work-life was getting worse
  2. 62% of the people who were struggling to manage their workloads had experienced burnout “often” or “extremely often” in the previous three months

When burnout sets in, time for thinking declines and, the quality of thinking deteriorates.

If you’re a leader with a team, department or, an organisation looking up to you for vision, strategy, or leadership you must make time to THINK!

Creating this mental space has many benefits:

  • Raising your productivity
  • Increasing your creativity
  • Enhancing innovation
  • Increasing your problem-solving ability
  • Learning and growing through reflection
  • Evaluating the effectiveness of actions, results and, decisions

So how do you find time to think? Here are a few suggestions…

  1. Do something physical like walking, swimming or running
  2. Engage in free form writing or journaling
  3. Practise thinking out loud by talking with someone
  4. Take time away from your work or your desk
  5. Using your commute time to think rather than catching up on work.

What will you choose?